May 9, 2006

X-Ray Goggles

So yesterday I went to see the quacks at Wardenburg Health Center. My back has been hurting me for about four months, but I figured that it was worth putting up with the pain, as long as I didn't have to go to the health center, which I hate. It was.
In any case, though, the doctor that was examining me ordered up X-rays, so I went to the X-ray room. I filled out some paperwork and then was led into a changing room. At that point, the lady said she'd let me alone to change. She gave me a hospital gown that was supposed to "close" in the back, and told me it was OK to wear my shirt and underwear, but that I should take off my pants and shoes. Then she left.
I undid my belt and dropped my pants, but when I looked down I couldn't help but utter an "Oh dammit!" I don't know how I'd not taken into account that I was going to the doctor when I dressed myself that morning, but there it was: my pair of Dr.-Seuss'-Cat-In-The-Hat plus hearts underwear that my mom gave me for Valentine's Day around a decade ago! To make things worse, I was also wearing mid-calf length black socks with a gold toe, which nicely complimented my facial stubble which hadn't been tended to in a few weeks. Ugh.
Anyhow, I was able to tie the gown and pull it together in the back, and I took off the socks and smacked around in my now-sweaty bare feet, which at least considerably reduced the chance I'd be mistaken for a sex offender. Still, I was not so hot. At least the lady running the X-ray had an eastern European accent, so if she did happen to notice my drawers, they might have actually been tasteful and classy compared to some of the Eurotrash man panties that most European guys wear...

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May 3, 2006

Two (More?) Reasons I'm A Bad Person

It occurred to me while I was driving the bus today that although I like pretty much any type of music, there are at least a few songs that I absolutely loathe. And loathing two particular songs probably makes me a hateful, evil person, but I don't care. One song is "One Love," by Bob Marley, and the other is "Imagine," by John Lennon. I know, they're the last generation's two biggest anthems of love and inclusiveness and other shit like that. And I'm all for those things, but let's face it: those two songs have had the shit co-opted out of them over the years, and it's nearly impossible for me to hear either song and think of its original message. From any random charity organization or heartfelt television montage (for "Imagine"), to dip-shitted college students and even the Jamacian tourism board's commercials (for "One Love"), the overuse of these songs have made them musical shadows of their former, shining selves.
Plus, musically-speaking, both of these songs kind of blow. occurred to me just now that these two musicians both died within six months of each other. Maybe the widespread love of these two songs is just due to the public's need to make sense of the artists' untimely deaths. But both artists had much better songs. John had "Instant Karma and...oh, I don't know, how about all the songs by THE BEATLES??" And Bob had so many good songs it makes me want to crap my pants.
I don't know.
So I guess I'm a bad person. So be it.
Or maybe I'm just pissy because I have a big paper due in less than two days, and I'm beginning to freak out about it.
This verdict could really go either way...

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May 2, 2006

Neck Hair

I really hate the hair on the back of my neck. As a result, I try to get it buzzed off frequently. However, I cannot do this alone, and require the help of a friend or family member. So this is just a shoutout to all those of you who have helped me do this thankless and kind of weird task. The Shaving of the Ryan is kind of like the Running of the Bulls, except that it occurs much more often than the bull thing, and even drunk college students don't enjoy trimming my neck hair.
The Shaving of the Ryan is a rite of passage that many of my friends have gone through, but the all-stars are quietly hidden among the masses, too humble for recognition--until now. You know who you are: Martha, Mom, Katie, Josh, Bobby, Andy--you've all made a difference, so I thank you.

365: Picture a Day Project    365 Leftovers    All My Pictures    Sitzbook